Tony's-

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Tony became a father aged 21. He was a lone father to Aaron, aged 13 and Alfie aged 12.

Katie became a mother aged 21 and was a lone mother to Ella, aged 7.

Tony and Katie have been in a relationship for 5 years and now they live together with Aaron, Alfie and Ella, and have another baby on the way. They also have a pet dog.

Alfie: My dad is amazing. Very thoughtful, very kind, and just the best.

Aaron: He’s sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes happy

Ella: My mum is kind, nice and helpful. I love everything.

Alfie: Kindness… An amazing family.

Tony: “It’s been good being a young dad. I’ve enjoyed it. It has been stressful, I’m not gonna lie. It has been a learning curve. So I were brought up in care, so I don’t have a father figure. I’ve not had a, you know, sometimes you look back at how your parent dealt with certain situations and I’ve just been winging it really. Made a lot of mistakes probably, but they’re here. They’re growing well. So I must be doing something right along the way [laughs].

It's nice to see the experiences that I’ve provided, the football matches, the football tournaments, the trophies, you know, just, I’ve genuinely tried my best for them, you know. Like I say, maybe I do not get everything right, but who does?

You know, and for me personally, no-one ever tried for me. D’you know, and knowing that I have tried for mine, and will, then that’s all that matters.”

“High school supports Alfie quite a lot, cause obviously he’s got his ADHD diagnosis. His EHCP he’s going through, so he gets quite a lot of support with that. But when they were younger, not a lot really.

When the boys first came to me full time… I were brought up in care so when these boys presented me with the challenge that they did, the first thing I did was phone social services, because to me they’re my parents.

You know, and I phoned them for advice and they’ve never once been to my house, never once questioned me, never once, because they know, you know, through their time working with me and also that the things I’ve done through my life, that my heart’s in the right place, you know. And I try my best and so they’ve not really felt the need to offer that support” (Tony).

Tony: “As younger parents we didn’t receive the same support as what was offered for maybe older people, like financially.

And the money side of things, you know, it should be equal across boards, but it’s not because of how old you are. Because shopping costs the same. You don’t go into shop and supermarket asks you for ID and then your shopping’s cheaper because you’re 16. You know, it’s exactly the same, you know, and I think money and support should be the same cause it makes people feel excluded otherwise and that’s not fair really.

Nappies, milk, wipes, it all costs exactly the same, it’s just…yeah, it’s just, I think some people who make the decisions and are in charge of making policies lose touch of reality”

Katie: I went back to work very, very early, so my way of like feeling better about it was going on holiday [laughs]. So Ella’s been abroad every year. It were the one thing that made me feel better about working. We went with my mum to Bruge and we stopped in, we drove down to Dover, stayed in Dover, went round the market in, down there, and then one of days we got on a ferry over to Bruge. I mean, it were absolutely pouring it down wi’ rain, but it was so beautiful.

And then in Bulgaria, that’s Ella being her true sassy self. And she were kissing a frog. She bought a frog toy.

Ella: I didn’t kiss frogs!

Katie: We’ve got picture proof of you kissing a frog!

Katie: “You feel a lot more pressure being young and you get, you feel like people are looking at you like ah, look at her, she’s young, you know, she’s by herself.

You can only do your best. Young mums can do it.

I mean, thankfully, like, I had my mum. Like, I relied on my mum a lot. Which it’s gonna be different this time round because I’m not gonna need to lean on her like I did”.

“These 2 were quite happily playing in their bedroom while I was cooking tea, and then the next thing I hear a big [makes crashing noise], and I go up to them and Alfie’s laid on the floor laughing and Aaron is sat there laughing and then it obviously transpired Alfie had been trying to get something out of the bottom of the basket and Aaron had kindly helped his brother reach the bottom of the basket But it’s made them go flying all over [All laugh]

I chose that picture because it’s a messy room, innit, and that’s what it is, kids make mess, you know, they play and mess. And now, 13 and 12, and their bedroom’s not far off from being that now, you know. So it’s just an insight into what being a young parent was like. It’s messy, it’s tiring, but they’re here, you know, they’re happy most of the time, you know, they’re doing well at school and in football and, you know, we musta done something right. Must’ve. Done a lot better than what my parents did anyway” (Tony).

“They’ve known each other a long time, cause they were all quite young and then the dynamic has changed massively, cause with baby being on the scene, me and Katie both said we wanna do it right this time round. Obviously both been single parents, me being a weekend dad, Jess being a full-time mum and struggling with that dynamic, we wanted to make sure we did it properly this time. And obviously there’s times where they get on like an absolute house on fire, and then there’s times where they can’t stand the sight of each other.

It’s just what I would say I think a normal family is like. You know, you’re not gonna like everyone every day, you’re not gonna get on every day, you know, it’s about finding ways of dealing with each other and moving forward with that. But there has been times where they’ve all shown that they are happy with what’s going on” (Tony).

Tony: We’ve caught loads of fish. Loads of big fish as well. That’s one of the smallest ones. As you can tell by Alfie’s face, he’s absolutely amazed by this fish. And then this is during Covid when we were planting strawberries. And then that’s when we went rowing. Do you remember when we went to Knaresborough on row boat.

Aaron: Tipped over the boat.

Tony: And I crashed it into someone else’s boat. Then down the river from the Lido I chose this picture because it’s them leading the way, which is pretty much our family life. They lead, I follow. But that day, we walked down that whole river, didn’t we? Remember? But we didn’t just walk down the river bank, we walked in the river. We were like waist deep in river water, weren’t we? Do you remember? And then we tried to catch fish with us bare hands [all laugh]

Tony: “You had to be a certain demographic to access certain things, and obviously, like for me personally there was a lot of mums’ groups, a lot of this, like, directed at helping single mums and stuff like that, but there’s nothing for single dads.

Because dads aren’t expected to do what I did. You know, they’re not, and like even during pregnancy now, like it’s still very, and it should be, very focused on mum because obviously mum and baby’s main part, but there’s also another part to that, you know, there’s dads and there’s other siblings and stuff.”

Tony: “I mean, for me personally what this, like looking through photos today, cause obviously you take pictures, you put them in your little album and then you very rarely do look back at them, but obviously looking through photos, it kind of reiterated to me that I tried my best. I really have. Like, you know, to be a single dad with two boys and provide them with every experience I have

It's nice to see the experiences that I’ve provided, the football matches, the football tournaments, the trophies, you know, just, I’ve genuinely tried my best for them, you know. Like I say, maybe I do not get everything right, but who does?”